


Freedom

by Arvi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Temporary Character Death, First Kiss, Getting Together, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Reunions, well the temporary is not canon till hopefully Thursday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27608389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arvi/pseuds/Arvi
Summary: They won. They're free. Why can't Dean be happy now? (he knows why)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 108





	Freedom

**Author's Note:**

> Everything is fluff and nothing hurts at the end and if Thursday is not good I shall simply live in a universe where this happened. 
> 
> Thank you to saminzat for the beta!
> 
> I think I'm done with Spn codas for now but who knows lol
> 
> Oh yeah, I mention a coffeeshop I randomly found on Google but I don't know anything other than the name so like, don't expect accuracy there XD

**Freedom**

  


They were free. They had won.

Sam and Dean Winchester, defeating God himself with the help of their super-powered kid. Cas' super-powered kid.

Defeating Lucifer and Michael again, too.

They had won, time to celebrate.

But Dean didn't feel like celebrating. He felt empty – Empty.

He had barely felt anything since Cas had vanished, as if the Empty had taken his soul, his very heart along with Cas.

Sammy would be fine, he could have his apple pie hunter life with Eileen. Charlie had Stevie back, Jack was somehow in all the rain drops and the pebbles on the beach and had seemed happy with that.

Dean, Dean had no clue what he was supposed to do now.

Once upon a time there had been Lisa. Lisa and Ben, an apple pie life of his own with barbeques and kiddie baseball games, a regular job, a girl and a kid. He'd loved them, they'd built him back up from the shattered shell of a man he'd been after losing Sammy to Hell, after Cas had up and left to go back to Heaven.

But he couldn't imagine that now. Not with Lisa, not with anyone else he'd ever met.

Not with anyone but Cas.

He hadn't dared dream of life with Cas before. And now there was no point. He could've had it all, but Cas was gone again.

Jack hadn't brought Cas back, not this time. Sacrificing himself had been Cas' choice, twice over. Making the deal for Jack, letting it come due for Dean.

And Dean, maybe he could've learned to accept that. If Cas had known he was wanted, that there was another option.

That he could have whatever he wanted with Dean.

That there wasn't only happiness in saying it, in just being, but also in having it.

Having those mornings where you didn't want to leave the bed because you were too wrapped up in each other, too comfortable. Dancing to a romantic song in the kitchen while there's a homemade pie in the oven. Cuddling up in front of a movie, maybe falling asleep with your head on your lover's shoulder. Visiting Sam and Eileen or Charlie and Stevie and going on double dates.

Eating in a diner on a hunt and not feeling a macho duty to flirt with the waitress.

Dancing at Sammy's wedding. Patching each other up after a hunt and not being able to take their hands off of each other.

Maybe, just maybe, sharing sweet kisses at their own wedding one day.

Could you even imagine? Marrying Cas. Marrying an angel of the lord, which priest would even do that? Completely ignoring the fact that Dean was legally dead and a convicted murderer multiple times over.

Pastor Jim might've been willing, once upon a time, but Meg had murdered him, all the way back when she'd been one of their greatest enemies.

They'd lost many, but they'd also found new family over the years. They'd found freedom, peace, now, with Chuck gone.

But what was life with peace and freedom without happiness?

It was an empty bunker with its echoing halls. It was pitying glances whenever he went to dinner with Sam and Eileen, with Jody and the girls. It was hunting because he didn't know what else to do and what was the point in trying to learn anything else?

It was a summer without sunshine, it was Christmas without presents, Thanksgiving without family. Nothing felt right, not without Cas there.

He could try drinking the pain away, numbing the ache with alcohol, but he already felt so empty. Once upon a time he might've tried to fill that empty with girls and sex, but the mere thought made him nauseous now.

Maybe he should try to get Cas back, but that would mean allowing himself enough hope to work on it.

But well, what else could he do? He wouldn't involve Sam, wouldn't involve anyone else.

Cas had saved him from Hell, gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. Maybe it was time to return the favor.

Cas had saved his life, spoken his truth. Dean hadn't yet had the chance to do the same for Cas.

In Purgatory, he had told Cas he should've asked him to stay.

Cas had left again and Dean hadn't asked. Again.

So, what did he need?

A spell, a path, something, to get to the Empty, to talk to this mysterious entity. A way to talk to Cas while he was there and hope that Cas knew a way to get out himself. A way to get Cas out without making a deal with the Empty.

Because that was one thing Dean knew for sure. He wasn't making any shitty deals anymore. He was either getting Cas back forever or leaving it be. He wasn't leaving Cas or Sam in the situation of having him with a ticking clock over his head. They were free and free they would stay. He wasn't exchanging his life for Cas' either, leaving Cas as miserable as Dean was now.

But he had to try. What would be the point if he didn't even try to get Cas out?

It took weeks, weeks of looking through the Bunker library and even some other collections. There wasn't a whole lot on the Empty, it hadn't really been an active player for a very long time.

It was all about summoning the dead, dead angels, dead demons. Those were the only traces Dean could find.

Ways to ask questions to those who were gone. A ritual, ingredients a bit gory but nothing Dean hadn't used before.

Some herbs, some blood, some fancy stones, a lot of even fancier Latin, and boom, he should fall asleep and be able to talk to Cas in his dreams.

There were all kinds of warnings there, about getting trapped in your dreams, about the powers angels and demons had in your mind, about not saying yes to them. Dean wasn't planning on doing that either. Adam and Michael might've worked that out, but it wasn't for him.

So, a ritual. A spell. Some smoke.

Then it was dark around Dean.

  


* * *

  


Cas.

It was like being in his mom's mind, back, when the British Men of Letters had brainwashed her. Except Mary had been in her happiest memories. Cas was facing his regrets, his mistakes.

Dean was currently watching Cas watch Dean rake leaves, back, when Dean had been with Lisa. Crowley was there too, but Cas hadn't begun talking to him yet.

This must've been when Cas made the deal with Crowley, for the souls in Purgatory.

“Cas? Can you hear me?”

No reaction. Dean approached Cas, carefully. Put a hand on his shoulder.

“Cas?”

He could feel Cas' breathing change, just a hint of a surprised intake of breath.

His angel turned around. He froze.

“Dean?”

Cas turned back around, looking at the fake Dean, still raking leaves. Then back, looking at Dean.

“You can't be real.”

Dean felt his heart break.

“I promise you, Cas, I am real.” He sighed. “And man, I miss you one hell of a lot.”

They were looking at each other, and Dean knew he should say something, but it was Cas, and he was here, and not dying, not crying, maybe dead but they were talking.

“Cas, you said a lot of things, just before you died. You said there was one thing that you thought would make you happy, one thing you always wanted but knew you couldn't have. What exactly was that?” Dean took a deep breath. “Because from where I was standing it sounded a lot like you wanted a relationship. With me. A romantic relationship. And that isn't necessarily why I'm here, like, if you aren't into me that's entirely fine, it doesn't really matter, but, well, what I'm trying to say is I want you back. If there's any way to get you back alive I want you here, well, I want you back at the Bunker, with me. It's too empty without you, and I want you to stay, is all I'm saying.”

Damn, he was rambling.

Cas seemed to be trying to catch up, blinking slowly.

“So, you want me to come back to the Bunker because you miss me even though I told you I'm in love with you?”, was what Cas settled on saying. “Is there someone you need my help fighting? Did you manage to defeat Chuck?”

Why, why was he so fucking bad at this?

“No, no, no, Cas!” Try again. “I want you back because I miss you. I want you back because I love you. There's no big bad left to fight, Sammy's got Eileen, and the Bunker is empty. Chuck is some human somewhere, entirely forgotten. Jack's God now, he restored everything, that paradise you swore he'd bring. It's just me, and I just want you back because I want to live with you.”

That should make it clear, right? But just to be safe, Dean took another deep breath, and looked Cas in the eyes, those lovely blue eyes it was so easy to get lost in.

“I'm in love with you, have been for years. I want a relationship with you. If that was what you knew you couldn't have, you were wrong. Come back, please.”

Cas swallowed.

“I, I don't know how. I'm asleep, and I doubt the Empty would be happy to let me go. If it's still awake. It doesn't like me a whole lot. But I can try. I'd like to live with you.”

Dean felt himself smiling, and saw the same expression on Cas' lips.

“That's all I can ask for. Don't do any deals, yeah? Don't come back with anything hanging over your head, I'm not going to make any dumb deals either, promise.”

“Promise. Dean, I'll find my way back.”

Dean was starting to feel the pull back, starting to wake up.

“My time here is up. Cas, I love you. I'll keep looking for a way out too. Dunno if I can get in, the Empty's just for angels and demons after all. See you soon, I love you!”

He felt more than heard Cas' answering I love you.

When he woke back up on the floor of the Bunker, there were tears in his eyes and also hope in his heart. Cas knew Dean loved him. Cas would be working from the other side, trying to come back.

He had more research to do. He would get his angel back, even if it took years.

  


* * *

  


In the meantime, Sam had invited him to dinner. The two of them had their own house, not too far away from the Bunker, and Dean was expected to drop by at least once a week barring any emergency cases.

And he was going to keep doing that. Live his life. He wasn't burning himself out or drinking himself to death. He was going to try to get Cas back, but he wouldn't destroy himself in the progress. Because Cas was worth living for.

Sam did notice something had changed, that Dean seemed a little lighter, a little happier, but Dean still wasn't about to tell him what he had been doing.

He made something up about finding the small joys in life again.

And it was true, kind of. The flowers seemed a little brighter, the trees a little greener, the whole world a little more friendly.

Maybe it was Jack, the kid's love and happiness truly being in every speck of dust. Maybe it was the happiness Cas had found, the happiness that was in just saying it.

It was on his drive back from Sam's that he heard his phone ring. An unknown number, Kansas area code. Lawrence, Kansas, area code.

He picked up.

“Hello, Dean.”

Cas!

Cas was back! It couldn't be a trick, not again, not with this timing.

“Cas! Where are you, how did you get out? I'm on my way.”

“I wound up back in Stull Cemetery. I'll explain later, when you're here.”

“It'll take a few hours.” Dean was mentally calculating the fastest way. Three and a half hours, maybe three if he ignored the speed limits. “Better find a coffee shop or something. I'm coming.”

“Yes, I'll do that. There's one right across the street, Jade's?”

“I'll be there as soon as I can. Just wait for me.”

He hung up. The music he was playing was the very same mixtape he'd made for Cas, his top 13 Zepp Tracks on repeat.

The hours seemed to crawl and fly past at the same time. It seemed to take forever and yet when Dean finally reached Lawrence he still didn't have a clue what he should say.

Jade's was nothing special, just some coffee shop, still open in the middle of the night.

Cas was sitting there, trenchcoat, suit, tie a little crooked, the most beautiful sight Dean could remember. He had a cup of coffee and a half eaten muffin sitting right in front of him, slowly picking at the crumbs.

Dean walked in, smiling at the waitress, but heading directly for Cas.

He sat down in the booth, on the bench next to his angel.

“Hey love, sorry it took me so long,” he said with a smile. “I missed you. How did you get out?”

Cas' smile was beautiful, so very happy.

“Well, it was something you said. The Empty doesn't care about humans. I'm no longer an angel, so it doesn't care about me anymore. I only had to cut out my grace. I've been falling in all the ways, for years. It's a choice I'm more than happy with.”

“I trust you. I just want you around. If you're happy I'm happy, Cas.”

Dean had one more thing he wanted to do though. And Cas was right there. One thing he'd wanted to do for years.

He lifted his hand to cradle Cas' face, and slowly leaned in, giving Cas the chance to back off.

Their first kiss was soft, and Dean could taste the coffee Cas had been drinking.

When they pulled back, they were both grinning. Whatever else would come, they had each other now.


End file.
